How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
