I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
