Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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