I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
