just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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