Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
