She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
