ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
