i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
