You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
