Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
