Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
