my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
