I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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