The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
