You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
