Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
