Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
