Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
