That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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