I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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