Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize