She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
