And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
