I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
this is an emotional support booty call
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
