normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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