i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
