I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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