i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
