the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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