he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
