That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
