he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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