I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have post one night stand depression
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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