i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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