I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
