Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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