She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
