Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize