so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
