The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
3pm strippers are depressing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
