i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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