It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
