she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
