nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize