Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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