checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
