Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just threw up on my dentist
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
