she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize