I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
