just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
