btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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