I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
