I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
