It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
