Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
