He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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