somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
