6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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