I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
