Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
