We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
