We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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