i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
