She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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