Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
