love makes seman taste better
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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