Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
