quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
