is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
